Monday, February 18, 2013

GPF's Fearless (Not Faultless) 2013 NASCAR Predictions

It seems like only a year ago we were throwing the literary green flag on another NASCAR racing season. Actually, its a year and a week; real racing starts a week later this year but whose counting? I am obviously but we'll get to that later. Throwing caution and common sense to the winds and fueled with Schaefer, the nectar of the gods, here we go:
Since we're gathered here at The World Center of Speed (For my money Disney can suck it, Daytona is the happiest place on earth) we start with the winner of the Daytona 500.
2013 Daytona 500 Winner: Jeff Gordon has a fast race car and has already been spending extra track time working on corner exit alone. He'll find what he's looking for.

2013 Sprint Cup Champion: Saturday afternoon I asked Jimmie Johnson if he was hungry enough to reclaim what was once considered his birthright and he snapped back in a tone of voice that would make Tony Stewart proud. He's my guy.

He will be competing with these Chase finalists, who are there only for window dressing. What Jimmie wants, Jimmie gets.

Tony Stewart (Provided he keeps his hands on the wheel and off his new driver)
Carl Edwards (Provided he avoids further 'roid rage episodes)
Brad Keselowski (Easy on over-consumption of your sponsor's product there fella)
Jeff Gordon (How many senior citizens can you feed for what it takes to sponsor a NASCAR racer?)
Kyle Busch (Nobody likes him but he can drive)
Greg Biffle (Sleepy looking dude who goes fast)
Matt Kenseth (Actually my dark horse to win it all..."I didn't mean it Jimmie, really!")
Kasey Kahne (He walks and talks like a girl but he does have a weight advantage-can't ignore that)
Kurt Busch: (Who knew?)
Kevin Harvick (The lame duck doesn't get his goose cooked but comes close-never a factor)

Will Danica finish in the Top 20 in points? No but she will tear up at least 20 race cars. Fortunately for Stewart. some of them will belong to others.

Rookie of The Year: Ricky Stenhouse gets the best of both worlds. While he kicks Danica's (unmentionable) on the race track, she kisses his back in the motor coach.

Biggest Surprise: Kurt Busch returns to form and makes The Furniture Row bunch a team to be reckoned with week after week.
Biggest Disappointment: Joey Logano. By mid season, Roger Penske finds himself longing for the good ol' days with A.J. Allmendinger.

Will They Win?:
Dale Earnhardt, Jr.-No. February prognosis: The Gen-6 car is just what Little E needs. The November excuse: Just when Jr. had the old car figured out...
Carl Edwards: Early and often.
Aric Almirola: Are you kidding me?
Joey Logano: See Aric Almirola.
Paul Menard: See Joey Logano.
Kevin Harvick: One win but finds life as a lame duck no fun.
Ryan Newman: Tony Stewart the only winner at Stewart-Haas and Newman the ugliest team mate. Goes looking for a new team for 2014.
Mark Martin: I thought this dude retired. He looks like he is what, 70 years old?  Next you're gonna tell me Herschel McGriff is still driving.

And, finally, who will Danica diddle next? I'm going with Tony Stewart on this one. He can threaten to take the car keys away.

Danica after reading my predictions.

Jimmie Johnson couldn't believe I would question his ability to win the title again.

No comments:

Post a Comment