Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Schaefer brings warmth to cold winter days

Composed while continuing my research of Woody and Bobby Fisher...

Just because the temps have dropped below freezing doesn't mean the Schaefer Hall of Fame is at rest. Quite the contrary. As always, the SHOF and SROH find new ways to have fun with Schaefer beer.

Cuba proved to his bride, Havana Montana, he still has it as the Latin Lover with his Christmas gift to her of a Schaefer beer bed spread. Ooh, looks satin. Who says love can't last?

After meeting SROH member, 200WINZ, in Newark NJ, he clued me in that I should expect a neat gift in the mail. Needless to say, I was most pleasantly surprised with his gift of several sho-nuff Schaefer glasses.

After a couple of days with the in-laws at Christmas, TMC was quite ready to get home. Leaving my wife and kids to spend extra days visiting, I returned to an ahhhh silent house. I quickly set about finding a suitable post-Christmas meal, and there in the fridge I found it. Leftover sausage balls made by my mother (God bless that woman) and some ready-to-eat, peeled shrimp. A cold Schaefer was the perfect and only choice to accompany this high-living meal.

Its been a TMC tradition for many, many years to take vacation from Christmas Eve through New Year's Day. Some years I'm pretty productive in knocking off items from the honey-do list. Other years (including this one) are spent in a completely useless manner. Staying up late, sleeping in late, not showering until 2:00 in the afternoon, going three days between shaves, etc. Perfect. Another enjoyable aspect of a day off from work is enjoying a steaming bowl of homemade chili with a Schaefer to cleanse my palette.

SROH member Bruton spent New Year's Day with his brother watching their Georgia Bulldogs play in the Liberty Bowl. When one (or maybe it was both of them) made a run to the garbage can, they suddenly realized the can's manufacturer. SCHAEFER!

I'm not about to suggest Schaefer belongs on or in a garbage can. Far from it as is evidenced by prior postings. Instead, I think their find is analogous to the scene in National Treasure when Nicholas Cage reveals a coded message on the back of the Declaration of Independence using nothing more than lemon juice and a Q-tip.

After a good laugh, Bruton and his brother turned their focus to the game. They couldn't wait for those Dawgs to gnash their teeth into Central Florida. Only one problem - a directional school emasculated the boys from Athens. Cue Archie Campbell and the boys from Hee Haw:

Gloom, despair, and agony on me.
Deep dark depression, excessive misery.

But what have I said many times before about Schaefer being a unifier? It lifts the spirits, and Bruton quickly found a way to put the UGAly loss behind him.

The first week or so of January was kind to the south weather-wise. But shortly after Elvis' birthday on January 8, winter returned in a big sort of way. Cold temps and lots of snow roared through the south - Tennessee, Georgia, and North Carolina - before heading up the Eastern seaboard.

Bruton left his house only to find angry Snow Thing had arisen from his driveway! AHHHHH! EEK! EEK!

But keeping his cool, Bruton offered the beast the opportunity to share a Schaefer. And like the bonding of Kris Kringle and the Winter Warlock in the Rankin-Bass classic, Santa Claus is Coming to Town, the Snow Beast and Bruton were soon buds.

With an unexpected day off from work and idle time on my hands, I thought it only made sense to try my hand at redneck skiing. To the untrained eye, the photo below may look like it includes 2x4's, duct tape, and a couple of rakes. But in the hands of a creative yet foolish person such as toomuchcountry, the parts represent TMC Snow Sports!

Of course, the only inducement I'd consider to attempt an ill-advised stunt would be a bucket of snow-cold Schaefer.

With Bruton solidly in the SROH, he's now got his brother believing in the Schaef. He built a small pile of chips in his corner by scoring Schaefer Light at a couple of Food Lions in central Georgia - a place previously thought not to have Schaefer. And he earned an extra bonus point for a cool cowboy hat. But he gets demerits for having a rotten cell phone camera. Geez man, surely you can spring for a 2-year contract to get at least a 2 megapixel camera on a phone for free!

Last weekend, Bruton and company played a card game called 3-13. I've never heard of it - apparently its some form of rummy. I thought rummy was a great game in its own right. Like the NASCAR points system, I didn't realize any changes were needed to the rules of rummy to make the game legit or gin up interest. But I suppose if Schaefer is involved, I'd be up for bending a few rules here and there.

Even with cold weather in our midst, we are now past the half-way mark of January. In less than a month, the engines will roar yet again at Daytona. Despite my general boredom with the NASCAR of today, my disdain for Brian France, my apathy towards Jimmie Johnson, and my concerns for the sport's economic well-being, it'll still be Daytona-time ... bottom-line.

Its that time of year when I again become a racing optimist. I believe...I believe...Richard Petty Motorsports will be a contender. I start making plans to attend two or three races. I am convinced Hendrick Motorsports can be defeated. I believe Larry McReynolds can learn proper grammar and Darrell Waltrip can master humility.

So ladies and gentlemen, get prepared to START...YOUR...SCHAEFER!


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